Before I Find A Boy I Love

So i'd just gotten back from the NCU fall retreat with my brother floor, and i was just relaxing in my dorm room when i came a cross this poem Lydia's Grandmother had written her. The title was "Before I Find A Boy I Love" and this is how it went:

Before I Find A Boy I Love

Oh Lord, I have a Big request
Which I must ask you now
Before I found a boy I love
I pray you show how.

I know your Word is very clear
On what a boy should be
Don't let my feelings mix me up
But give me eyes to see

Keep me from boys who turn my heart
From you with looks or charm
Protect me from temptations and
Those things which bring me harm
Help discern all those sweet words
And actions which are fake
Guide me to see what's right
What's wrong
My love for you is at stake

Help me consider only boys
with lives that would please you
Whose focus is to serve you well
And do what you would do

Lord help me find a boy that's wise
That seeks and does what's right
So if I choose to follow him
We'll both walk in your light

Show me a boy that knows you well
That spends much time with you
So he can know and do your will
And love just like you do

I know that if I follow you
And puts you first in all
The boy I find will be your choice
Our purity wont fall

Prepare me Lord to be a girl
That such a boy will choose
To grow with him close to your heart
With you we cannot lose

Beauty

This past couple weeks God has unveiled so much to me, i wish i could explain it all but my thoughts are all over the place. I guess I should start at the beginning. (this isn't an easy subject for me to talk about) My whole life I've never been happy with how i look. WOW what a surprise, a girl who doesn't like how she looks! nothing new. Now this problem never got to the point where i would hurt myself to make myself look better, but it was where Satan used verbal abuse to hit me hard, from other people and from myself. I would look in the mirror and pick out the little things that i didn't like and wished to change. Even thou i didn't think it did, but by doing that to myself it tore me apart from the inside out. I HATE how females do that to themselves. We are God's beauty. But anyway in my Christian life i have only heard God's voice speaking to me 3 times in my life. the first was "I LOVE YOU" the second was "YOU BELONG HERE" and the third one happened this past week. I was dealing with my self image (Satan was hitting hard) and it hurt so bad. We (friends from my floor) went to praise gathering on Wednesday and the topic was the pain in our lives and the moment i got in the sanctuary i knew God had something planned for me that night. I remember praying my heart out, my pain, my torment and my suffering. I gave it all to God, trusting him and than i heard him say "YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL" and i broke out in tears.........I don't know how to explain what i felt like that night but I've been changed by those 4 words and i wont go back to how it was.

P.S. This is for You.

This past summer I've grown so much in my relationship with God, its amazing to me. But there's an area in my life to which i haven't given fully to God yet, and that would be my relationships (haha this is a funny picture, it makes me laugh :-D) with people, particularly with guys. I feel like if i don't have control over my relationships that it wont work out how i want it to. This past weekend i went home to see some of my friends and chat with my pastor to see how i can be a leader in the youth group. It was nice to see my friend's faces, i love them so much and miss them everyday. But Sunday morning at church God challenged me to trust him with a very close relationship involving a guy. God asked me to show my faith by letting go (not speaking to him) this relationship for a month. At first i said to myself that "that would be the last thing i would do to myself and this guy" but as the day continued the thought wouldn't go away. I was fighting with God and if you're a Christian you know that God ALWAYS wins in

the end. A group of friends and i went to one of our houses to watch the first batman movie and the whole time i was being tormented with what God wanted me to do (aka the reason why i was so out of it that Sunday). When it was time to say goodbye i didn't want to. specially to him but when my mom pulled up to drive me back to NCU i felt sick and just wanted to get away from everyone so i said a general goodbye to everyone. (this i regret, i wish i would've said more personal goodbyes to everyone) When i arrived back to my dorm room, God pressured me even more to the point where i finally decided i would obey. Later that night i had talked to him about everything God is doing in me and about our separation. I was impressed with him. He was very understanding. So this next part is for him



P.S. this is for you

Thanks for being understanding, I haven't told you this yet but I've been watching you grow in your relationship with God and you've always inspired me to keep growing even more in mine. I hope this situation hasn't made you sad or depressed because i know this is what God wants me to do and there will be good coming out of this, so don't be sad. don't look at the problems happening now, open your eyes to the bigger picture of what God is doing and be excited! I will miss talking to you. See ya in 26 days ;-)

The Undo Button in our Lives

Picture yourself in this situation. Its 1am and you hope to go to bed by 2am. You're typing a 5 page paper about what Hotdogs are made out of and you're about to finish. But when you try to change the font size/spell check and you accidentally push the wrong button, all your work is gone within seconds.......!

Two days ago i was in this situation. It was 2am and i had a paper due that same day at 8. I was about finished when i accidentally pushed the wrong button and all my work was gone. I thought i was going to freak out but than i remembered the Undo Button! Once i undid my mistake i yelled (waking my roommate in the process) "THANK GOD FOR THE UNDO BUTTON!" Than it hit me, what if we had a undo button in our lives. Whenever we made a mistake or been hurt by someone we could just push the undo button and the pain/disappointment would just disappear, never to had happen. Life would be so much easier. But when you think about it, we sort of have an undo button already. That undo button is God. Notice how i said God is "sort of" like an undo button. The reason why is when something happens that we would like to undo we cant just call upon the Lord and ask him to rewind what just happened and everything goes back to being perfect, it doesn't work that way. God is a different kind of undo button. At those moments when everything is going wrong, when you feel broken and torn, God is there. All u have to do is ask him for his healing/forgiveness and He will take that pain/disappointment away and stand you up straight on the right path. That's why he died on the cross, to take away the sin in our lives. Those moments will stay with you (they aren't fully erase) but God will heal you and help u move on and grow.